Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and, for this episode, the TSOM panel readies their playlist in pursuit of the worst hip hop slow jams of all time. The slow jam, “ballad,” or “hip hop love song” has been a mainstay in hip hop ever since raucous and rowdy LL Cool J shed his rough veneer to record “I Need Love” in 1987. It showed a vulnerable LL getting in touch with his sensitive side and resonated wildly with a new audience and proved hip hop’s ability to jump into new audiences and markets. From there, labels leaned into this new opportunity to seize marketshare. The results varied and, here, we dive toenail polish first into six especially painful examples of the ballads gone wrong.
Voices: J. Wyrick, S. Bennett, C. Allred, the Dirty Deacon, and Unkut.com’s Robbie Ettelson.
Intro music contains elements of M.Barnacle’s “Erase That” (used with permission), contains elements from David Silver and Industry Rule #4080, the Fat Boys, Kid Koala, Johnny Adams, Biggie Smalls coughing up something nasty, Larry and Tommy. Arranged by TSOM’s Jeff.
2:46: Sam is a silent driver.
4:51: Robbie delivers some love raps. It needs to be noted that Robbie agreed to appear on the show only 40 minutes prior to taping which is awesome.
5:38: Big Daddy Kane featuring Barry White “All of Me” (Cold Chillin’, 1990)
11:05: The Panel discusses “All of Me.”
12:41: Big Daddy Kane “The Lover in You”
14:13: Blake introduces the Bill Cosby scale, which rates tonight’s selections’ creepiness.
15:50: Freddie Foxxx “Forever” (MCA, 1989)
19:58: The Panel discusses “Forever.”
22:51: Freddie Foxxx “Ain’t No Sunshine” (MCA, 1989)
26:08: The Panel discusses “Ain’t No Sunshine.”
26:48: Sam fails horribly at a Freddie Foxxx impersonation.
28:45: Vanilla Ice “I Love You” (SBK, 1991)
32:51: The Panel discusses “I Love You.”
36:45: Nice and Smooth “Something I Can’t Explain” (Sleeping Bag, 1989)
42:03: The Panel discusses “Something I Can’t Explain.”
46:03: MC Shy D “You are Everything” (Benz, 1990)
50:22: The Panel discusses “You are Everything.”
50:55: The best way to show true love is to not bang a cousin.
52:56: The Panel discusses its selection for tonight’s Stinky Pinky, in a 3-1-1 vote, Nice and Smooth’s “Something I Can’t Explain” takes it.
54:51: Robbie participates in the slowest lightning round ever, however, successfully answers all correctly.